As some of you may or may not be aware, I've been drifting away from my wolf-self so to speak.

It's a long story, I'm still a wolf to some friends, but the reason I originally was a wolf was.... an interesting reason and doesn't seem to match my personality well with how I act around furs. I'll still be a wuff around my good friends and those who know me as such, but I'm a blueberry flavored 'yena to you furs and other people I'll be meeting from now on.

So this is my last post now. All future postings will be made by kravenlupei.livejournal.com/ so poke me there. I'll probably have added all / most of you as a friend on that account already by the time ya read this, so....

See ya'll.

Signed,

~ Blueberry 'yena / Wolfpup

Current Mood: sleepy

Mmmf.....

You know it's sad when you look at your list of "friends" on an IM list when you're feeling down and depressed and want to talk to someone to cheer up and realize there's no one on that list you can talk to freely, are only talking to you to better their chances of you sleeping with them, or just don't want to talk to you.

When did I lose all my friends...?

Current Mood: blank

Well, he got back to me.

Thanks.

I'm just gonna go sit down and cry now that I realize how pathetic I am. If anyone wants to, please cheer me up.

Lord knows I need it...

Current Mood: disappointed

IVE FUCKING TRIED CALLING YOU FOR OVER A FUCKING WEEK NOW.

YOU'RE NOT ONLINE.

YOU'RE NOT ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.

YOU'RE NOT RESPONDING TO TEXTS.


ARE YOU JUST TRYING TO FUCK WITH ME? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? FUCKING ANSWER ME GODDAMNIT. YOU'RE REALLY FUCKING TESTING ME.

Current Mood: enraged

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.2
Mind:	7.4
Body:	6.3
Spirit:	8.2
Friends/Family:	6.5
Love:	6.9
Finance:	5.2
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Hmm.....

Sounds about right, yepyep.

Current Mood: calm

Driving in VT.

30 MPH in a 50 zone.

Down a steep left turn slope.

Car decides to go "WEEEE FUCK YEAH SNOW" and slide slowly into a ditch.

Fun times.


Damage report tomorrow. For now, I'm going back to chugging rum before I cry.

Current Mood: calm

Being pestered by a friend to watch him and his boyfriend snuggle romantically and such on camera, even after exiting it 7 times.

Man, now I feel like I don't want to breathe another breath. Why am I so jealous of all the love people I know have?

I know everyone keeps telling me to hold on or wait for the right guy or this or that or some other thing, but it doesn't lessen the pain, ever, that I feel when I watch everyone have someone and look back on myself and see nothing.

What's wrong with me? Am I wrong to want to love someone so badly or does everyone feel this way and I don't realize it?

All I know is that it's truly wrecking and tearing me apart to the point of near-physical pain.

That's all.

Current Mood: depressed

Seriously?

Why does it?

You try to find love, you fail.

Love stumbles across you and you think you've found the right one, you're happy.

The love doesn't turn out to be as true as it once seemed, and now it hurts, you're sad.

The love no longer exists, but is just emptiness now, and now you feel like you have a hole in you.

Why does this have to be so hard to find someone who cares about me and is as much a hopeless romantic as I am? All I ever wanted was someone to lay next to and sleep at night, to walk with under a full moon's light, to kiss and feel like there's still wonder in this world.

No, all I ever get is people wanting me to fuck or be fucked by them or when I finally do find someone I like, they get taken by someone else before I can so much as make 3 moves on them. God it hurts so much. I need someone to fill the void.

My family sure aint gonna fill it. Friends help some, but are never a permanent solution, especially when I see them with their loved ones and realize I'm all alone and can't experience that happiness.

Bah. To bed with me.

Current Mood: gloomy

So today in my gamers united club at OCCC we had a pizza party and in the cafeteria there was this magician/illusionist dude.

He was pretty good I must say. He had 2 students come up and blindfold him with 2 quarters over his eyes, a doublethick cloth blindfold, and 7 pieces of duct tape.

Then he had the audience take out some pre-handed out index cards and write a few things on them. First thing was the funniest moment in your life, second was a number, 3rd was a question, 4th was your name and a nickname if applicable.

So he goes through his routine, having them in a bowl next to him and grabbing them at random and rubbing them on his forehead, calling out names and people in the audience responding. At first I figured "Well, I guess he's just using common names that pop up in every day" but then he started answering the questions and telling people to stand up and when they weren't standing but said they would to stand up, or to uncross their arms or some such, or describing how they answered their questions.

Pretty neato.

Then... he called my name.

My name is FAR from common at being Jarett DeLorenzo.

I had answered the questions as follows

Funniest experience - When me and Josh were sitting at the dinner table at my moms house and she almost realized we were gay but we just snickered to ourselves.

Number - 126. No significance, I was just being a dick and random.

Question - How do I find the right guy? (or something like that)

Name and Nick - Jarett DeLorenzo and my new fur chars name as my nickname.


He called out my name, asked if I was there, I stood up and said "Hi" about to wonder if he was gonna spill to like, 300 people from my college if I was gay but somehow not believeing him, then he stops for a second, thinks and is like "Hmm... well... I can't read this one" so I passed it off as "Ha, he fucking sucks".

After the show I went up to him and asked him "Well, you told about everyone else, why couldn't you 'read' mine?" to which he replied along the lines of actually knowing and not wanting to embarrass me, which kinda left me wtf'ing.


But yeah, that was a pretty good guy. I'm not usually one to fall for illusionists and their ilk, but this was some pretty grade A stuff for a college to host, and I've seen some magicians at hotels who's tricks are a joke. This guy was damn good I must say.

Some of his other tricks included identifying objects brought up to him (without him touching them) from the audience. IE a pack of cigs, which he actually named the brand, a laptop, noting it's contents of porn, a D20....


Man, I don't care, this guy rocked. I want to say "Well, he must've been able to see" but again, he didn't really *look* at the index cards, he crumpled them up and rubbed them on his bald head. No one can read that fast, even if they weren't coated in blindfolds.


So for once, I don't call shenanigans. I call a good show.

Current Mood: amused

Apparently at least.

For the past few months (6?) I've been loaning money to my mother/stepfather to help pay rent / etc on the basis of them paying me back asap.

There have been times they haven't paid me back fully and I just went to check my bank account and add up the last 3 months of money they've taken / paid back.

Turns out they owe me over 500 dollars. I go to talk to them and I sit down and show them examples of where I turned in cash and it WASN'T them giving me money, where I got money from paypal transferred, where they shorted me on a payback, where there's just 200 or 88 dollars sitting there taken from me without ever showing record of even a penny paid back.

Even showing all my math, they're coming up with lame excuses such as "Well, you must've owed us money for something" or "I paid you back, I just have to find out where it is on here" even though I just showed the entire form for the last 3 months. I guess some things are invisible.

So yeah, as soon as they pay me back what they owe me, I'm thinking I'm opening my own account and they can go fuck themselves if they need to borrow money from me in the future if they feel like ripping me off 500 dollars of my own cash.


Am I a bad person for this?

Current Mood: aggravated